35 weeks!

How far along:  35 weeks down, 5 to go!

Size of baby: Coconut!

What's going on in my belly: I'm going to answer this a little differently this week. According to the sites I've read, baby TeeJ is about 17-18 inches in length, 4.2 to 5.8 pounds, and her hearing is fully developed. That explains so much. When I'm listening to music she doesn't like, she moves away from it. If she likes it, she moves closer to it. She's such a smart little girl.

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Nope. I've resolved to the fact that I'm never going to sleep more than an hour at a time ever again.

Symptoms: More nausea, heartburn, hip pain, and numb legs. I also had some pretty sharp abdomen pain Wednesday night into Thursday. I saw my OB on Thursday and she doesn't believe they are contractions; just the start of painful pressure and she descends in preparation for labor.

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing baby TeeJ of course! DeeJ and I took a bet of over/under 5 pounds and I won! She's 4 pounds and 10 ounces (4.6 pounds). My OB even got a good look at her face on the ultrasound, listened to her heartbeat and all is well.

Miss Anything: Hmmm... I miss a lot of stuff. The past couple of days have been physically rough so I'm going to go with that. I'm starting to get uncomfortable. Movement is limited, my clothes, specifically the panel on my pants, are starting to not fit, and my heart races if I move too quickly. I pretty much have to use the labor breathing technique to get myself around.

Cravings/Aversions: S'mores! I helped put the food shopping list together and graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate were at the top of the list. I guess I want s'mores.

Showing Yet: There's no hiding this one.

Mood: Pretty good. I can be crabby at time, but it's usually in spurts.

What I am Looking Forward to: Well, finally finishing the nursery! Hopefully I can AW some pics this weekend. Also, our maternity photos are ready and we get to see them next week! I dreaded taking the pictures, but I'm excited to see how they turned out. And last, but certainly not least, I'm already thinking about our 36 week appointment. I still can't believe that she's almost here. I keep going back to 3 years ago when DeeJ and I started this journey and I can't even describe in words how I feel. Every time I try to I just start blubbering out random words. I can't wait for us to be able to hold her and give her a wonderful life.

34 weeks

How far along:  34 weeks down, 6 to go!

Size of baby: Butternut squash or a cantaloupe. I feel like I've used both of these for comparison before...

What's going on in my belly: More sucker punches and kicks. It's all good. 

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Not very good this week.

Symptoms: Nausea and heartburn. Both keep me up at night. Still numb and tingly in my right leg, lots of pressure in my pelvic area, and most recently, my vision gets blurry sometimes. It freaked me out, but after some reading, it turns out it's normal. It's just a case of dry eyes and once I use drops or water, it gets better.

Best Moment of the Week: Our maternity photo session was awesome. DeeJ and I took a variety of pictures and we get to see the proofs within the next couple of weeks. I hope they look good! We had our 5 year wedding anniversary yesterday and I had a great time! After the photo session, we went back to the place where we got married and spent the night. It was so romantic. Another best moment, but more so funny moment of the week happened today. Baby TeeJ was giving me a little bit of trouble with the kicking and I asked DeeJ to talk to her since she calms down when he's speaking. So DeeJ got really close to my belly, starting talking and got kicked in the face. We couldn't help but laugh. This girl is going to be a fun handful.

Miss Anything: Still missing my ability to move around and my agility. I have to get help getting in and out of the car sometimes and tying my shoes.

Cravings/Aversions: No cravings this week. I still have an aversion to deeply fried and/or greasy foods though.

Showing Yet: Lots; you can't miss it. People have been approaching me assuming that I'm having a boy because of the way she's sitting. Imagine their surprise every time when I tell them it's a girl. Good old wives' tale. Now DeeJ and I are wondering what are the odds that Baby TeeJ is really a Baby DeeJ.

Mood: Pretty good. Although I'm really sleepy most of the time and lack energy, I feel good.

What I am Looking Forward to: Our 34 week appointment on Thursday of course. I believe it's the last appointment before I start going in weekly. It's getting really close! I'm guessing that Baby TeeJ is close to 5 pounds at this point. I can't wait to see if I'm over or under.

33 weeks!

How far along:  33 weeks down, 7 to go!

Size of baby: Durian fruit. 

What's going on in my belly: She's swinging her butt from left to right, making my belly have all sorts of odd shapes. According to the ultrasound at our 32 week appointment, she likes to stick out her tongue and wiggle her feet. That would explain the random foot bulges. Every time DeeJ or I squeeze her feet, she sticks them out further.

Stretch Marks: Happy to report there are none!

Sleep: Half and half. Some good days, some bad.

Symptoms: More Braxton Hicks and nausea. I may have to go back to taking my Zofran regularly because I've had quite a few close calls. The hip pain is back, but not as severe as it was before seeing the chiropractor. I'm also dealing with a pinched nerve that makes my right leg tingly and numb.

Best Moment of the Week: Our 32 week appointment was on Thursday! We talked with Dr. B., our OB, about birth plan and the policy for induction procedures in the event that I go well past my due date, which is very likely. We also talked about c-sections and my concerns about the hospital trying to force the procedure on us. She was very reassuring and comforting and confirmed that everything will be our decision within reason. She did an ultrasound and Baby Girl TeeJ is 4 pounds and 2 ounces! She's getting so big! We got to see her beautiful heart and watched it beat for a little bit. It was so awesome!

Miss Anything: I miss being able to move around freely. I'm almost sure I've said this before but I'm starting to notice the struggle even more. Everything from getting in and out of the car to coming and going in the bathroom stall at work. I shimmy my way through things more and more frequently.

Cravings/Aversions: I've had cravings for cheesecake. I picked up a 12 slice cake on Tuesday. I'm slowly eating my way through it.

Showing Yet: Yep.

Mood: It's decent. Panic is starting to set in though. There's still so much to do, both at home and at work and so little time left.

What I am Looking Forward to: Our 5 year wedding anniversary is on Friday and this is a huge deal for us. We're going to revisit where we got married and go out for a really nice dinner and I'm excited. We're going to get dressed up, which happens never. On Saturday we're going to an anniversary brunch and spend the weekend just being in each other's company. I'm also looking forward to finally painting the nursery this weekend. I'm feeling overly ambitious and am hoping that we can also put the crib together.

32 weeks!

How far along:  32 weeks down, 8 to go!

Size of baby: Squash or a jicama. I've got nothing for this one. 

What's going on in my belly: She's still head down as far as I know. I'm definitely getting lots of butt imprints and soreness in my rib cage from her foot.

Stretch Marks: Definitely not on my stomach. Still unsure about my boobs.

Sleep: Meh...

Symptoms: Lots of back pain and shortness of breath. I've also had a numb/tingling feeling in my right leg like it's asleep and when I touch my leg it feels weird. I don't know how else to describe it. I also have a new symptom but I'm not sure what's causing it. As I'm writing this post, DeeJ is concerned about some pain I'm having today, mainly because I've never described any feeling as pain before today. It's very infrequent, meaning that it doesn't happen in precise time intervals, but while I was sleeping, I felt pain in my lower stomach. When I'm sitting upright, I don't feel it. I have no accompanying symptoms that would come with preterm labor so I'm not very worried, but the pain is enough to wake me up or keep me from going back to sleep. I'm leaning towards Braxton Hicks. I'm going to ask my OB at the next appointment.

Best Moment of the Week: Getting our crib and dresser! They were delivered yesterday! The dresser came assembled, but the crib did not. Should be interesting to put together with DeeJ.

Miss Anything: I miss sleeping on my stomach. Like, a lot. I can't wait to be able to do that again. I also miss generally being comfortable. I still have some time left before she gets here, but it's getting more and more difficult to get comfortable sitting, standing, or laying down. Basically, doing anything.

Cravings/Aversions: Bread. Give me all the bread, specifically biscuits.

Showing Yet: Yep.

Mood: Good overall. I think the iron supplement is really helping because I don't feel as drained and tired as I used to.

What I am Looking Forward to: Lots of exciting things going on this month. Our next appointment is on Thursday and our 5 year wedding anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks. We're also having maternity photos done and I just booked us for the same day as our anniversary. It's going to be great!

Alone time

I was thinking about this a lot last night and figured I should write about it.

If there's one thing I love, it's alone time. I'm a true introvert; the best kind of day involves sitting on a couch or a bench with me and my thoughts. I spend a lot of time analyzing people, things that happened or are happening, and clearing my head. I don't mind being around people but I find it to be draining at times and all I want to do is take a nap afterwards. It's one of the reasons why I stay to myself and just observe others and why I usually avoid large social settings. My closest friends and family know this about me, but by others that don't know me as well as they think they do, I regularly get branded as "shy" and "awkward" and maybe that's a little true. But is that such a terrible thing? I'm quite comfortable as I am, but I wish others would see me as I am and accept it, instead of inferring that I must be lonely, have no friends because I don't know how to make any or miserable. To add to that, I'm miserable about being pregnant. Not even addressing the other stuff, last I checked, I'm far from miserable. But hearing things like that make me have moments like this where I sit here and try to play events over in my head. Did I say or do something to give the impression that I'm unhappy with my life (outside of work)?

And let's get more specific. I think about my being sick during pretty much the first half of this pregnancy and being sad about it, but never did I regret being pregnant or having a baby. Quite the opposite since this has been our dream for 3 years. I think about her all the time and I can't wait for her to get here. I'm crazy excited and I just want to do what I can to provide her an awesome life. It pisses me off that my not feeling well, on top of all of the personal and work related crap I've had to deal with during this pregnancy has come full circle and rather than celebrate the arrival of my baby girl and send positive vibes, now the focus from coworkers is the likelihood that I'll have PPD. So why does it bother me so much to hear it?

It feels scrutinizing. It takes away from the joy of expecting, especially since I have about 8 weeks to go. Being an introvert does not increase my chances of having PPD. Neither does being sick and it's very ignorant to suggest otherwise. PPD is important to discuss; DeeJ and I have spoken about it on quite a few occasions, but is between him and I. Or my family and friends and I. I'm not in the camp of "It can't happen to me...", but at the same time I have to do what I can and speak up to my loved ones if I ever feel down and out after baby TeeJ is here. And I'm not afraid to do that and ask for help.

It's like I'm in the Twilight Zone because I can't seem to gauge the sincerity and whether or not there is true concern behind comments like that. Is this a very strange manner of saying someone cares? Because it doesn't feel like it.