8 weeks!

H Beans (her new nickname!) is 8 weeks old! She's growing so fast! We love her so much, but we are having some challenges.

Ever since we brought H Beans home, we've noticed that if she's not eating, sleeping, or being rocked/walked, she has crying fits. That coupled with not being able to put her down, EVER, has made me feel overwhelmed at times. DeeJ is back at work so she's with me pretty much all the time during the day. My head hurts, my arms hurt, and I can't get much of anything done around the house or elsewhere. And when I say she can't be put down, I mean it. No crib, bassinet, swing, Boppy... Nothing. I can't even put her in the car seat to go out without hearing the most highest pitch scream I've ever heard in my life. I've already had at least 2 occasions where I'm pushing the stroller with 1 arm while balancing her in the other to avoid a full on meltdown. This is really hard.

And I want to go back to the crying fits for a minute. She cries when she's done nursing, even though she's gaining weight nicely and has more than enough wet and dirty diapers so I know she's getting enough to eat. She cries coming out of sleep as well. If you're walking her around, rocking to get her to sleep and you stop, she cries. And most recently, if you walk into a dark room while rocking her, she cries. She cries, cries and cries. And I feel horrible because she seems miserable. How can I make her happy if I can't keep her from crying? It's not colic because it's not crying for 3 hours straight it's NOT inconsolable but at the same time, she never seems happy. And I feel like a failure. What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make her happy? I have to admit at times, I feel like I'm not cut out for this. Then, I came across an article about fussy babies. Like a lot of stuff that I'm learning through the trials and error of motherhood, I learned something new. I had no idea about what are called high need babies. As I read the article, I could feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders. It fit my encounters with H Beans to a tee. She's moody, dissatisfied, and requires more stimulation, more attention and just more of everything. She gets bored in her swing, cuddling, or lounging on her Boppy. She also requires being held 24/7, even while sleeping. You can spend 30+ minutes rocking her sleep to the point where she snores but if you put her down, she's up, making you feel like you've just wasted 30+ minutes walking around. She also gets bored easily by way of the constant yawning. If I do Tummy Time on the Boppy, I had better not do it again that day. Otherwise, the crying fit ensues. And when she cries, it sounds as if she's being hurt and it breaks my heart.

She's the exact opposite of my lazy, homebody self. She keeps me on my toes and it terrifies me. But as I sit here with H Beans nestled in my arms fast asleep, I forget about how overwhelmed she makes me feel. She's still perfect and I love her forever.

6 weeks in... And blogging is hard.

Little H is 6 weeks old as of yesterday. Time really does go by so quickly! Except when you're pregnant. The first and third trimesters feel like an eternity.

Taking care of a newborn is definitely a challenge and even that is an understatement. Our first night home was horrible. Little H was 3 days old and my milk started coming in. The engorgement felt horrible. My first attempt at using a breast pump was an utter failure. It hurt so badly and it just felt weird. And for some reason, I didn't think to purchase breast pads for the leakage. Then, we tried to put Little H to bed. We put her in her cute little newborn onesie, then wrapped her in the awesome fleece sleep sack the hospital gave us, rocked her to sleep, and put her in her bassinet perfectly placed next to my side of the bed. But she didn't stay asleep. Somehow between the stay at the hospital and home, she no longer slept for hours at a time at night. Also, through trial and error, we would come to find out that she loathes swaddles, sleep sacks, or anything that restricts her arms. The solution? Just leave her arms out! Except she has a pretty intense startle reflex, so within minutes of putting down this beautiful sleeping baby, she's awake. I can't even begin to share how many different things we've tried, but as of now, she will not sleep on her own. To save our sanity, we became co-sleepers. I have to admit that I have a healthy nervousness about it every night, but Little H really seems to love it. At 6 weeks old, she sleeps 4-5 hours straight and she loves either sleeping on DeeJ's chest or snuggled next to me.

We're also 6 weeks into breastfeeding. The L&D nurse who delivered Little H gave me a quick tutorial right after she was born and several other nurses commented that I looked like a pro. I didn't actually see a Lactation Consultant until an hour before I was discharged and when we left the hospital, I was pretty confident. Within a week, not so much. I think my nerves got the best of me on top of just being new to it. I struggled with whether or not she was getting enough milk. It didn't help that she lost 7 ounces between her birth date and our date of discharge. I didn't know that weight loss was common so I was scrutinizing every diaper change and count like it was my sole purpose in life. I became a pro at reading hunger cues. Something else I didn't know, crying is a late hunger cue. I analyzed every lip smack, head butt, and sucking motion. Then, about a week into exclusively breastfeeding, Little H and I had latching issues. I couldn't help her latch, she would become frustrated and start punching me. I would end up having to pump and give her a bottle, which made me nervous about causing nipple confusion. I felt rejected. I really thought she no longer wanted my breast and it made me very sad. I even purchased nipple shields and we had some success with that, but it wasn't consistent. At the urging of DeeJ, I called the hospital's Lactation Consultant for advice. After speaking with her, she referred me to a private specialist who could see me one on one for a fee. I was a little bummed and at fault. It made me seriously regret that I didn't meet with the consultant more than once while I was in the hospital. But no matter, I was in whatever it takes mode. While wrapping up the conversation with the consultant, she recommended holding my nipple to form a smaller shape. Maybe Little H can't latch because of that? She compared it to trying to hold a blown up balloon with your mouth. A light bulb went off in my head. Why in the hell didn't I think of that? So at our next session, I tried that and it worked! I was so relieved and thankful. And here we are 5 weeks later and our sessions are generally pretty good. She still gets frustrated very easily and punches, but it's not very often.

All of our pediatrician appointments have gone well. Little H went from 5 pounds and 15 ounces at hospital discharge and 3 days old to 6 pounds and 12 ounces at 10 days old! Then she had another weigh in at 1 month old and was 8 pounds and 3 ounces which is amazing! She also grew from 19 inches to 21 inches within a month. We did have an issue with her newborn screening that required a retest, but we've been told that the abnormality in her first set of results were likely due to a false positive.

Anyhoo, I'm happy to report that all is well!  Being sleep deprived has just become a way of life in our home, but gosh, Little H is so awesome. She's beautiful, smart, and all that I could ever ask for. Here is us baby wearing a week and a half ago:

Fast and Furious... Baby Girl TeeJ's birth story

On Monday, October 27th, Baby girl TeeJ, aka H, made her grand entrance! DeeJ and I are so excited that she's finally here! Forgive me in advance for the TL;DR. It was a short delivery, but long feeling experience.

I woke up around 4:30am with a sharp pain in my lower back that wrapped around to my stomach. I got up and went to the bathroom and just sat there. After a minute or so, the pain went away and I went back to bed. When I laid down, DeeJ was awake. He looked at me and smiled and we held hands. We started talking about how happy I was to be working from home this week. About 15 minutes later, that same pain came back. I ran to the bathroom saying, "I think I'm having a contraction. And I have to poop." I opted to stay in the bathroom and started my contraction timing app. Since it was 15 minutes between the first and last one, I figured it would carry on for awhile and eventually go away. After all, most first time mothers go past their due date. But then the contractions came back. Every 6-7 minutes, I was nearly on the floor writhing in pain. About 30 minutes of that, I started vomiting. I yelled as loud as I could so DeeJ hear me, asking him to call Dr. B. He called, got their answering service, and we got a call back from the midwife about 10-15 minutes later. DeeJ passed me the phone and at some point during the call, another contraction hit. I dropped the phone and started breathing heavily. After it was over, the midwife said I sound like I'm doing ok. WHAT?!?! She said that I should wait a little longer because it's not 5 minutes apart and she didn't want me to go to Labor and Delivery just to be sent home. Yeah, ok. After I hung up, I asked DeeJ to take me to the hospital. While he ran around to collect our bags, I got dressed. I have to say, it's very difficult to get dressed, especially during a contraction. Getting dressed would have taken less than a minute pre-pregnancy, and maybe 10 minutes while pregnant, but took almost 30 minutes because I couldn't function while contracting. So it took an hour to get ready and head towards the hospital. We got to the hospital around 6:45am. Out of all of the times I've walked from the hospital entrance to Labor and Delivery on the 6th floor, this walk felt the longest. The wait for the elevator felt like an eternity. But eventually, we made it. I was taken to the triage room for monitoring. 

The room has 3 beds, all separated by curtains and were occupied by other Moms to be. I took the last available bed and just waited. While waiting, I overheard a labor and delivery nurse speaking to one of the other Moms. After monitoring her for over 2 hours, they were sending her home. Her contractions were too erratic and inconsistent. When the nurse left, the woman just cried. I felt so bad for her, but also worried for myself. Nothing worth panicking over, but I did not want to be sent home. I was getting up every couple of minutes at this point because every time a contraction came, I felt like I had to poop and throw up so I would run to the bathroom. It was quite a challenge because the nurses had to keep disconnecting the monitors so I could sit in the bathroom. During one of my runs to the bathroom, the nurse looked at the bed and there was a bunch of fluid on the sheets. She asked DeeJ, "Did she go to the bathroom in the bed?" DeeJ shrugged. I mean, how would he know? As asked me while I was in the bathroom and all I could say was, "I think so." before throwing up some more. So the nurse took the sheet to be tested and I made my way back to the bed. That's when things got interesting. Shortly after I got back into the bed, the nurse confirmed that my water broke. My contractions were suddenly much more intense and frequent, but there was a small complication. The only way I could manage the pain of the contractions was to sit upright, but doing so made my H's heart rate drop. The solution? The nurses and DeeJ had to hold me down while laying on my side just so that they could monitor things for a few minutes. At that point, I have to say I was in the most pain of my life. Next, the nurse did a cervix check. She said after the check, "Wow. You're 5cm dilated and 100% effaced. It's go time!" I said, "Great! What's next?" She then asked if I want an epidural. Before she could finish the sentence, I said, "I want all of the drugs. Give me the drugs." She chuckled and placed the order. But then she said, "Ok, we're going to put you in Delivery Room 3 and you'll get your epidural." What I didn't know was that I had to WALK to the delivery room. I recall saying, "Can't you just wheel me over in the bed?" But that didn't matter because the next thing you know, I was practically running to the room, so much so that one of the nurses was running behind me to cover up my butt.

As soon as I got to the room, I laid back and waited for my epidural. The anesthesiologist arrived a short time later and gave me the run down of how the epidural would be administered. I sat up quickly, signed the paperwork and suddenly I felt numb. At our hospital, they don't allow visitors in the room so DeeJ had to step out. Once the epidural was done, DeeJ came back into the room and I remember saying, "This feels amazing..." over and over. The nurse adjusted me to do another cervix check and she says to the other nurses and DeeJ, "The head is right there. I can see it." That might explain why I felt like I had to go to the bathroom. Then she tells me to push. Which I swear I heard her say, but I was too high to actually understand her. I started dozing off from the epidural. The nurses started to yell at me to get me to be alert. Then they asked DeeJ to hold my leg while I pushed. After some oxygen from a mask, I started to wake up a bit and I started pushing. First couple of pushes, H's head was out. The nurse says, "The head is out! Push some more for the shoulders! Grunt if you have to!" As I start pushing again, the on call OB made an appearance... In his regular clothes. He says, "What's going on? I was just paged." The nurse tell him that delivery is pretty much done. He shrugged his shoulders and said, "I guess I'm not needed." and walked out. Probably the funniest moment of the day. Eventually he came back in scrubs to make sure everything was ok though. While I was still out of it after delivery, there were some additional complications for H. She had some heart rate issues so they also gave her an oxygen mask for about 30 seconds. I was so relieved and happy to hear her cry. It also took her awhile to get up to an acceptable temperature so I didn't get to hold her right away. Once I did though, My Munchkin was 6 pounds, 6 ounces, and 19 inches of pure perfection.

Overall, everything went really well. From beginning (first contraction) to delivery, I was in labor for a little over 4 hours with only 2 of those hours spent in the hospital. Things went so quickly that I technically wasn't admitted into the hospital yet and DeeJ and I had to do the paperwork after the fact. Things went nothing like I imagined, but quite frankly, I think it was the best example of to expect the unexpected and parenthood in general. And we're in love with our little H. I'm so glad she's here and we hope she loves us as much as we love her.

39 weeks! Welcome to full term TeeJ!

20 weeks!

39 weeks!

How far along:  39 weeks! 7 days to go and hello full term!

Size of baby: Watermelon. Whoa... That sounds scarier than a pumpkin.

What's going on in my belly: No change size and weight compared to last week.There's still some brain development going on in there as well as improvement of reflex skills (ability to flex limbs voluntarily for example). I personally don't agree with the reflexes part; Baby TeeJ has been flexing her arms and shaking her fists at the world since week 20. And I refuse to believe all the random jabs I've gotten in the ribs were involuntary.

Stretch Marks: I'm happy to report I am stretch mark free! I'm truly surprised by that.

Sleep: Pfft... I don't know what sleep is anymore.

Symptoms: Peeing every 30 minutes I'm count as a symptom damn it! Also cramping, which are likely more contractions, and pressure on my pelvis. 

Best Moments of the Week: Thursday was yet another weekly appointment with my OB. Overall uneventful, but a good visit. Baby TeeJ weighed the same (6 pounds and 5 ounces) as she did last week and her heart rate is nice and strong at 140bpm. She was very active during the ultrasound which is always a good thing. Next week for my appointment, I'll be 39 weeks and 5 days so that appointment will be the determinant of what happens next. I'm really hoping that Dr. B. follows through with induction options for November 3rd like she said. Friday was my last day in the office. Woohoo! My leave doesn't start until Baby TeeJ is here, but it's nice to be home and not have to wear maternity pants anymore. They were really uncomfortable. Speaking of work, I was pleasantly surprised by one of the departments I support. My friend K came over to my desk around lunch time with a card which I thought was nice enough. After we hugged and she left, I opened the card and saw all of the signatures from her co-workers... And a Target gift card. Cool! Then, I turned the card over and saw the amount. Nearly $400! Holy smokes! I can't tell you how shocked I was. I was in such shock that my first instinct was to call DeeJ and tell him. Of course I wrote them all thanking them, but wow! It'll definitely come in handy for baby supplies!

Miss Anything: The list is too long.

Cravings/Aversions: I'm craving salty things from what I can tell. Which makes me thirsty. So I drink water. And then I have to pee. It's a fun cycle.

Showing Yet: Yep. I'm so glad to be home because I'm tired of trying to squeeze into my work clothes.

Maternity clothes: I have to admit that I'm impressed that I can still fit the pre-pregnancy shirt in the picture above. Can't say the same about the pants, but hey, it's all about the little victories.

Mood: Still good! I think I'm especially happy because all of my friends are getting pregnant and having babies. I legit have 3 IRL friends that have recently gotten pregnant and it's awesome. I'm so so happy for them and I love seeing good people get their dreams fulfilled. 

What I am Looking Forward to: Next week's appointment of course! Last check-in, I'm 2cm dilated and effaced, but I forgot to ask for the percentage. I'd be curious to see if there is any progress at my next appointment. I know it doesn't mean anything as far as being able to predict labor, but it's still exciting nonetheless.

38 weeks!

How far along:  38 weeks! 14 days to go!

Size of baby: Pumpkin? For real? If the pumpkin on my neighbor's front yard is what's in my belly, I'm scared.

What's going on in my belly: Baby TeeJ is 20-22 inches long and weighs about 6.5 pounds. She's preparing for her arrival into the world... She might have some hair on her head, fattening up, and is shedding some of that white goo (vernix caseosa) that's been coating her skin for most of this pregnancy. I read somewhere that her organ are fully developed at this point. Sweet!

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Still no. And no surprise, just as I get comfortable enough to fall asleep, I have to go to the bathroom. I get up about every hour or 2 to go which kind of sucks.

Symptoms: I realized that nausea has been at the top of my list for most of the pregnancy. I'm starting to imagine life without it. I'm secretly hoping it goes away right after Baby TeeJ gets here, but I know there are no guarantees.

Best Moments of the Week: My weekly appointment of course! Today I saw Dr. B. instead of the midwife, which was fine by me. She went over my Group B Strep results which were positive. My records will transfer over to the hospital so when I'm in labor, they will know to give me antibiotics. Next was my growth ultrasound. Similar to last week, there was some trouble locating Baby TeeJ's head. Why, you ask? Because her head is so low. Dr. B. found her head 6-7 inches below my belly button. Yikes! That explains so many things. Why I can't walk very well, why I'm no longer getting kicked in the ribs, but also why Baby TeeJ seems to hate it when I wear pants. Dr. B took some measurements, checked the heartbeat and gave a thumbs up. She weighs 6.5 pounds (up almost an entire pound in a week!) and is doing well. I told myself going in that I wasn't going to get another cervix check until I was 40 weeks or so but yeah, that didn't happen. I didn't ask for it, but didn't decline it either. I was talking to Dr. B. about what happens if I go past my due date, since it's on a Saturday, and she looked kind of annoyed, but in a comical way. She asked, "How do you know you're going to go past your due date?" I said, "Well, statistically, most FTMs go past 40 weeks." I think it was the word "statistically" that made her roll her eyes and laugh. It must have screamed Dr. Google to her. Her response was to slap on some gloves and there I was getting a cervix check. After the check, she says, "She's coming!" Uh, not the words I wanted to hear at 37w5d. DeeJ was in the room and I could see some panic in his face. Then she clarified. "You're effaced and 2cm dilated!" Phew... Ok, so basically, there's progress compared to last week. Then she said that if I don't go into labor on my own to call on Monday the 3rd and we'll go from there. Normally, if there is no progress, she waits 7-10 days after the due date, but in my case, she would schedule an induction sooner. Then she said that she really thinks I'm going to go into labor on my own. We'll see Dr. B. Challenge accepted.

Miss Anything: There's a long list of things I miss. But I'm too excited for Baby TeeJ to get here to care at this point.

Cravings/Aversions: My water intake has improved this week. YAY! I am noticing, however, that my aversion to coffee is back. It's starting to taste too bitter, no matter how much cream or sugar I use. Like most aversions, I'm hoping that they don't remain after this pregnancy.

Showing Yet: Yep. I'm running out of clothes that fit and I refuse to buy anything else maternity at this point.

Mood: Pretty good. 

What I am Looking Forward to: 1 more week until technically full term! That's pretty exciting! I can't believe that we're here and I'm even posting about this. Also looking forward to getting the last bit of items we need for her arrival; we need diapers, wipes, and the other half of her take home outfit (we only have the onesie and shoes). Lastly, the 24th is my last day physically in the office! I should have asked for an earlier date, but I didn't want to push it since I'm taking more than the standard 8 week maternity leave my company offers. I will be technically working up until my due date, but at least the last week will be at home. Now that everything is planned, we'll see when she actually arrives.

37 weeks

How far along:  37 weeks! 21 days to go!

Size of baby: Winter melon or Swiss chard!

What's going on in my belly: Baby TeeJ is about 20 inches long and probably weighs just shy of 6 pounds. She is definitely breathing on her own by inhaling and exhaling. She's also blinking, grasping and gripping with her hands.

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Nope. And you know what's annoying? People telling me, "Oh you'd better get your sleep now! You won't get any once the baby is here!" It like they forgot the discomforts and lack of sleep that comes with third trimester.

Symptoms: Nausea, heartburn, some seemingly random blurry vision, and what I'm pretty sure are some contractions. They aren't consistent enough to time them, but there have been a few occasions where I've bent over in some serious pain.

Best Moments of the Week: Hmmm... Where do I begin? Let's start with work! Who knew that would be a highlight! I finally had my meeting with HR and worked out my leave. I will officially be taking a total of 14 weeks and 11 of those weeks will be with 100% pay! I only expected 8 weeks so I'm very pleased. The rest will be covered by Short Term Disability, which I expected. On Sunday, we met with our photographer and got a preview of our maternity photos. They're so artsy and soooo pretty. We're waiting for her to do some touching up and should have them next week. I can't wait to get them because I really want to share. Next, our doctor's appointment on Thursday. Dr. B. wasn't available, so we met with the practice's midwife. She was super nice and bubbly. She did my Group B Strep test and my ultrasound. She was confirmed that Baby TeeJ is still very much head down, so much so that she's resting on my pelvis. The midwife kept calling her gorgeous and beautiful, which gave all sorts of warm and fuzzy feels. After some time, baby TeeJ finally showed her face and we could see her blinking on the ultrasound! It was so cool! She was also opening and closing her fists; it was almost like she was waving. The midwife also checked her heartbeat and the positioning of her legs and arms, as well as my fluid levels and all looked well. During our visit, she also did a weight check, and Baby TeeJ came in at nearly 6 pounds. What an increase in weight compared to 2 weeks ago! And... After a cervix check, I'm 1 centimeter dilated and effaced! As she midwife was checking, she said she didn't even have to stretch my cervix to get her fingers in there and she felt baby TeeJ's head. It's getting real! 

Miss Anything: I still miss not being able to totally dress myself. DeeJ pretty much helps me with my pants and shoes. I tried to put on my favorite riding boots today which was a big fail. I almost tipped over in the chair trying and I felt like a turtle stuck on its shell. I love Baby TeeJ with all my heart, but I can't wait to be able to reach my feet again.

Cravings/Aversions: My aversion to water is back with a vengeance. I'm struggling to get more than 6 glasses a day. More than that and I start feeling like crap. I'm hoping to keep this at bay because it's reminding me of the start of my hyperemesis.

Showing Yet: Hehehe... I mean, c'mon... Of course I'm showing at this point!

Mood: Pretty good. 

What I am Looking Forward to: Weekly appointments and wrapping up odds and ends. Perhaps put together my hospital bag this weekend? DeeJ is also doing a fantastic job. He put the car seat base in, got it inspected, and now he's organizing and washing the clothes and crib bedding. Oh, and he bought these as take home outfit options:

How cute are these? He's been so selfless through this pregnancy. I just know he's going to be an amazing Dad.

36 weeks

How far along:  36 weeks and 1 day down, 3 weeks and 6 days aka 27 days to go!

Size of baby: Honeydew. Oh honeydew!

What's going on in my belly: Baby TeeJ is about 18 inches long and probably weighs nearly 6 pounds. She can probably breathe on her own at this point and a majority of her organs are either developed or nearly developed. She's gaining about half a pound a week.

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Still a no on this one. Ah well.

Symptoms: Nausea, vomiting and heartburn. I'm back on the Zofran. BOO!

Best Moment of the Week: A few! DeeJ and I went to see our maternity photos today and they look great! We decided to get digital prints instead of an album. We have a physical wedding photo album and we've only looked at it a handful of times. Yesterday, I had lunch with Catmagick <insert huge ear to ear smile here.> We met up and had Ethiopian food (my first time ever!) and it was awesome! I've got everything crossed for her that this is her cycle and I can't wait to talk to her soon! On Friday, my department threw me a surprise baby shower/lunch. It was a really nice gesture. They purchased a few things and I'm very grateful. I have to write some thank you cards for them because it was really nice. Last, but not least, we finally put the crib together! It took us about 2 hours, but it was well worth it. Once we wash all of the bedding, clothes and clean the room and decorate, we should be all set!

Miss Anything: One of the reasons it took so long to put the crib together was because I had a tough time moving around. I really miss being able to put on my own shoes or reaching downward to take off my pants. I can't help but feel helpless at times.

Cravings/Aversions: I seem to have an aversion to onions for now. DeeJ made some awesome macaroni and cheese, and while it was really good, all I could taste were the onions. Then I started feeling nauseated and went downhill from there.

Showing Yet: Apparently only from the front. :P

Mood: I'm good.

What I am Looking Forward to: Our appointment on Thursday! I can't wait to see her again. I'm also looking forward to finalizing my maternity leave plan. I really wanted to get it done sooner, but I kept being told I have plenty of time. It was starting to get annoying. I'm glad that my company is finally ready to sit down and basically discuss my leave which should be starting in 3 weeks.

35 weeks!

How far along:  35 weeks down, 5 to go!

Size of baby: Coconut!

What's going on in my belly: I'm going to answer this a little differently this week. According to the sites I've read, baby TeeJ is about 17-18 inches in length, 4.2 to 5.8 pounds, and her hearing is fully developed. That explains so much. When I'm listening to music she doesn't like, she moves away from it. If she likes it, she moves closer to it. She's such a smart little girl.

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Nope. I've resolved to the fact that I'm never going to sleep more than an hour at a time ever again.

Symptoms: More nausea, heartburn, hip pain, and numb legs. I also had some pretty sharp abdomen pain Wednesday night into Thursday. I saw my OB on Thursday and she doesn't believe they are contractions; just the start of painful pressure and she descends in preparation for labor.

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing baby TeeJ of course! DeeJ and I took a bet of over/under 5 pounds and I won! She's 4 pounds and 10 ounces (4.6 pounds). My OB even got a good look at her face on the ultrasound, listened to her heartbeat and all is well.

Miss Anything: Hmmm... I miss a lot of stuff. The past couple of days have been physically rough so I'm going to go with that. I'm starting to get uncomfortable. Movement is limited, my clothes, specifically the panel on my pants, are starting to not fit, and my heart races if I move too quickly. I pretty much have to use the labor breathing technique to get myself around.

Cravings/Aversions: S'mores! I helped put the food shopping list together and graham crackers, marshmallows, and chocolate were at the top of the list. I guess I want s'mores.

Showing Yet: There's no hiding this one.

Mood: Pretty good. I can be crabby at time, but it's usually in spurts.

What I am Looking Forward to: Well, finally finishing the nursery! Hopefully I can AW some pics this weekend. Also, our maternity photos are ready and we get to see them next week! I dreaded taking the pictures, but I'm excited to see how they turned out. And last, but certainly not least, I'm already thinking about our 36 week appointment. I still can't believe that she's almost here. I keep going back to 3 years ago when DeeJ and I started this journey and I can't even describe in words how I feel. Every time I try to I just start blubbering out random words. I can't wait for us to be able to hold her and give her a wonderful life.

34 weeks

How far along:  34 weeks down, 6 to go!

Size of baby: Butternut squash or a cantaloupe. I feel like I've used both of these for comparison before...

What's going on in my belly: More sucker punches and kicks. It's all good. 

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Not very good this week.

Symptoms: Nausea and heartburn. Both keep me up at night. Still numb and tingly in my right leg, lots of pressure in my pelvic area, and most recently, my vision gets blurry sometimes. It freaked me out, but after some reading, it turns out it's normal. It's just a case of dry eyes and once I use drops or water, it gets better.

Best Moment of the Week: Our maternity photo session was awesome. DeeJ and I took a variety of pictures and we get to see the proofs within the next couple of weeks. I hope they look good! We had our 5 year wedding anniversary yesterday and I had a great time! After the photo session, we went back to the place where we got married and spent the night. It was so romantic. Another best moment, but more so funny moment of the week happened today. Baby TeeJ was giving me a little bit of trouble with the kicking and I asked DeeJ to talk to her since she calms down when he's speaking. So DeeJ got really close to my belly, starting talking and got kicked in the face. We couldn't help but laugh. This girl is going to be a fun handful.

Miss Anything: Still missing my ability to move around and my agility. I have to get help getting in and out of the car sometimes and tying my shoes.

Cravings/Aversions: No cravings this week. I still have an aversion to deeply fried and/or greasy foods though.

Showing Yet: Lots; you can't miss it. People have been approaching me assuming that I'm having a boy because of the way she's sitting. Imagine their surprise every time when I tell them it's a girl. Good old wives' tale. Now DeeJ and I are wondering what are the odds that Baby TeeJ is really a Baby DeeJ.

Mood: Pretty good. Although I'm really sleepy most of the time and lack energy, I feel good.

What I am Looking Forward to: Our 34 week appointment on Thursday of course. I believe it's the last appointment before I start going in weekly. It's getting really close! I'm guessing that Baby TeeJ is close to 5 pounds at this point. I can't wait to see if I'm over or under.

33 weeks!

How far along:  33 weeks down, 7 to go!

Size of baby: Durian fruit. 

What's going on in my belly: She's swinging her butt from left to right, making my belly have all sorts of odd shapes. According to the ultrasound at our 32 week appointment, she likes to stick out her tongue and wiggle her feet. That would explain the random foot bulges. Every time DeeJ or I squeeze her feet, she sticks them out further.

Stretch Marks: Happy to report there are none!

Sleep: Half and half. Some good days, some bad.

Symptoms: More Braxton Hicks and nausea. I may have to go back to taking my Zofran regularly because I've had quite a few close calls. The hip pain is back, but not as severe as it was before seeing the chiropractor. I'm also dealing with a pinched nerve that makes my right leg tingly and numb.

Best Moment of the Week: Our 32 week appointment was on Thursday! We talked with Dr. B., our OB, about birth plan and the policy for induction procedures in the event that I go well past my due date, which is very likely. We also talked about c-sections and my concerns about the hospital trying to force the procedure on us. She was very reassuring and comforting and confirmed that everything will be our decision within reason. She did an ultrasound and Baby Girl TeeJ is 4 pounds and 2 ounces! She's getting so big! We got to see her beautiful heart and watched it beat for a little bit. It was so awesome!

Miss Anything: I miss being able to move around freely. I'm almost sure I've said this before but I'm starting to notice the struggle even more. Everything from getting in and out of the car to coming and going in the bathroom stall at work. I shimmy my way through things more and more frequently.

Cravings/Aversions: I've had cravings for cheesecake. I picked up a 12 slice cake on Tuesday. I'm slowly eating my way through it.

Showing Yet: Yep.

Mood: It's decent. Panic is starting to set in though. There's still so much to do, both at home and at work and so little time left.

What I am Looking Forward to: Our 5 year wedding anniversary is on Friday and this is a huge deal for us. We're going to revisit where we got married and go out for a really nice dinner and I'm excited. We're going to get dressed up, which happens never. On Saturday we're going to an anniversary brunch and spend the weekend just being in each other's company. I'm also looking forward to finally painting the nursery this weekend. I'm feeling overly ambitious and am hoping that we can also put the crib together.

32 weeks!

How far along:  32 weeks down, 8 to go!

Size of baby: Squash or a jicama. I've got nothing for this one. 

What's going on in my belly: She's still head down as far as I know. I'm definitely getting lots of butt imprints and soreness in my rib cage from her foot.

Stretch Marks: Definitely not on my stomach. Still unsure about my boobs.

Sleep: Meh...

Symptoms: Lots of back pain and shortness of breath. I've also had a numb/tingling feeling in my right leg like it's asleep and when I touch my leg it feels weird. I don't know how else to describe it. I also have a new symptom but I'm not sure what's causing it. As I'm writing this post, DeeJ is concerned about some pain I'm having today, mainly because I've never described any feeling as pain before today. It's very infrequent, meaning that it doesn't happen in precise time intervals, but while I was sleeping, I felt pain in my lower stomach. When I'm sitting upright, I don't feel it. I have no accompanying symptoms that would come with preterm labor so I'm not very worried, but the pain is enough to wake me up or keep me from going back to sleep. I'm leaning towards Braxton Hicks. I'm going to ask my OB at the next appointment.

Best Moment of the Week: Getting our crib and dresser! They were delivered yesterday! The dresser came assembled, but the crib did not. Should be interesting to put together with DeeJ.

Miss Anything: I miss sleeping on my stomach. Like, a lot. I can't wait to be able to do that again. I also miss generally being comfortable. I still have some time left before she gets here, but it's getting more and more difficult to get comfortable sitting, standing, or laying down. Basically, doing anything.

Cravings/Aversions: Bread. Give me all the bread, specifically biscuits.

Showing Yet: Yep.

Mood: Good overall. I think the iron supplement is really helping because I don't feel as drained and tired as I used to.

What I am Looking Forward to: Lots of exciting things going on this month. Our next appointment is on Thursday and our 5 year wedding anniversary is coming up in 2 weeks. We're also having maternity photos done and I just booked us for the same day as our anniversary. It's going to be great!

Alone time

I was thinking about this a lot last night and figured I should write about it.

If there's one thing I love, it's alone time. I'm a true introvert; the best kind of day involves sitting on a couch or a bench with me and my thoughts. I spend a lot of time analyzing people, things that happened or are happening, and clearing my head. I don't mind being around people but I find it to be draining at times and all I want to do is take a nap afterwards. It's one of the reasons why I stay to myself and just observe others and why I usually avoid large social settings. My closest friends and family know this about me, but by others that don't know me as well as they think they do, I regularly get branded as "shy" and "awkward" and maybe that's a little true. But is that such a terrible thing? I'm quite comfortable as I am, but I wish others would see me as I am and accept it, instead of inferring that I must be lonely, have no friends because I don't know how to make any or miserable. To add to that, I'm miserable about being pregnant. Not even addressing the other stuff, last I checked, I'm far from miserable. But hearing things like that make me have moments like this where I sit here and try to play events over in my head. Did I say or do something to give the impression that I'm unhappy with my life (outside of work)?

And let's get more specific. I think about my being sick during pretty much the first half of this pregnancy and being sad about it, but never did I regret being pregnant or having a baby. Quite the opposite since this has been our dream for 3 years. I think about her all the time and I can't wait for her to get here. I'm crazy excited and I just want to do what I can to provide her an awesome life. It pisses me off that my not feeling well, on top of all of the personal and work related crap I've had to deal with during this pregnancy has come full circle and rather than celebrate the arrival of my baby girl and send positive vibes, now the focus from coworkers is the likelihood that I'll have PPD. So why does it bother me so much to hear it?

It feels scrutinizing. It takes away from the joy of expecting, especially since I have about 8 weeks to go. Being an introvert does not increase my chances of having PPD. Neither does being sick and it's very ignorant to suggest otherwise. PPD is important to discuss; DeeJ and I have spoken about it on quite a few occasions, but is between him and I. Or my family and friends and I. I'm not in the camp of "It can't happen to me...", but at the same time I have to do what I can and speak up to my loved ones if I ever feel down and out after baby TeeJ is here. And I'm not afraid to do that and ask for help.

It's like I'm in the Twilight Zone because I can't seem to gauge the sincerity and whether or not there is true concern behind comments like that. Is this a very strange manner of saying someone cares? Because it doesn't feel like it.

31 weeks!

How far along:  31 weeks, 1 day

Size of baby: Pineapple! Another fruit I'm not a fan of... Unless it's on pizza.

What's going on in my belly: Still moving around alot. Last night, she kicked me in the back ribs and I keeled over again... While on the maternity tour. Not the place where you want to look like you're in pain without being in labor.

Stretch Marks: Not on my stomach. I think of my boobs, but I can't tell.

Sleep: Not too shabby.

Symptoms: The itchies... My stomach and legs itch like crazy. My ongoing symptom, the hip pain, has gone down significantly and I'm so happy about that. 

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing our little girl! Our appointment on Thursday went well; she stayed perfectly still so that our OB could get all of her measurements. She's right track for growth and weight, coming in at 3 pounds and 3 ounces and a heart rate of 140bpm. Her umbilical cord is pumping nicely which no appearance of knots or anything. On Wednesday, we starting interviewing pediatricians. Of course we loved the first one we saw. The doctor was really nice, excitable, and answered all of our questions before we could even ask. She even told me I look amazing at 30 weeks so I'm sold. The office space was clean and there was even a separate space for sick patients which I've never seen before. We're more likely than not going to go with her once Baby TeeJ arrives. We also went on our maternity tour at the hospital yesterday. It was short, about 30 minutes; it would have been longer, but the maternity/recovery area was full because they had quite the baby boom the night prior and didn't want to disturb the new Moms. I have to say that the space we did tour, which was triage and L&D was peaceful and really quiet. When we were in the room where L&D DeeJ asked the nurse if all of the rooms come with cable TV. Sigh... Also while in the L&D room, I have to admit that panic set in. In 9 weeks or so, this is where I'm going to be and while I can't wait for her to get here, all I kept thinking about was the pain. I've been told that I handle pain really well, and I kind of agree, but I know deep down that I've never experienced anything like this and it scares me. In my mind, all of the lap surgeries and pain from Endometriosis pales in comparison to going through labor. This entire pregnancy at times has made me feel like I'm not as strong as I think I am so I'm very nervous. 

Miss Anything: Being able to breathe easily. I'm at the point in the pregnancy where I lose my breath easily. Sometimes even laying down, I have to sit back up because my breathing gets really shallow.

Cravings/Aversions: My craving for cheese has picked up again. At this rate, I could probably eat macaroni and cheese everyday for the rest of this pregnancy.

Showing Yet: Yep.

Mood: Still feeling good.

What I am Looking Forward to: A couple of things. First, our furniture is going to be delivered this week! Yay for getting our crib and dresser! DeeJ delayed delivery until this Friday thinking it would give us time to paint. But then I had the bright of idea of hiring a painter so now we're looking for one, meanwhile, the room hasn't been painted yet. It's not that we can't paint, but we agreed on doing this to one of the walls and we both know we can't pull this off. Hopefully we can find someone for a decent price soon. 

Second, next week, I'm finally going to meet with HR to discuss my maternity leave. I've already decided that I want to take at least 14 weeks off, even though I know the standard is 12. I've already told my boss informally, but I'm sure he's forgotten by now. He's too busy asking me weekly whether or not I'm even coming back. Honestly, I don't want to. I want a job, but not this one since they've been pretty awful to me during my pregnancy. But I'm preparing myself to go back if I can't find anything over the next 3-4 months. 

30 weeks!

How far along:  30 weeks

Size of baby: Cucumber! Another fun fact: Cucumber was my first "big word" when I started speaking according to my Mom.

What's going on in my belly: She's moving like crazy. There are times where she moves so quickly, I lose my breath. Last night she got me good in the ribs and I just keeled over. I started kick counting, but I've decided to not do it everyday. I think doing so will up my anxiety levels.

Stretch Marks: Nope

Sleep: Not as good as last week, but anything is better than the weeks prior.

Symptoms: Braxton Hicks. That's all I'm going to say.

Best Moment of the Week: I passed my 1 hour glucose test! YAY! The nurse called me to give me the fantastic news. Then, the not so great news. Apparently, I'm severely anemic. BOO! I guess I should have suspected it. I find myself breathless a lot after moving around, my legs go numb at odd times and I'm soooo sleepy even after getting sleep. But no worries, it's nothing an iron supplement can't fix. I just hope that between the iron supplement and the Zofran I can maintain my bathroom schedule.

Miss Anything: To be honest, I miss people not speaking to me and being overly opinionated. Yeah, this is a silly one. I'm legitimately tired of the random and unsolicited comments. I mentioned this elsewhere, but I wish people would stop asking how far along I am just to say either, "Oh you still have a ways to go" or "Oh you're almost there! You could go into labor at any time!" I know people mean well, but please don't talk about preterm labor. I don't want possible complications at the forefront of my mind. 

Cravings/Aversions: Speaking of... Cucumbers! I really loved them pre-pregnancy and really dislike them now. It makes me a little sad.

Showing Yet: Uh, yeah!

Mood: Doing alright. Overall feeling good.

What I am Looking Forward to: My next appointment of course! We're up to bi-weekly appointments now. I'm also psyched for our hospital tour next Saturday. I can't believe we're so close.