12 weeks!

Wow! I can't believe H is 12 weeks old already. At her 2 month appointment, she gained almost 4 pounds and grew 4 inches since birth. We have her 3 month appointment next week and I'm excited to see how much more she's grown. I have a pretty good idea because she's breastfeeding well and definitely gives us plenty of diapers to change. Plus, we've retired her newborn clothes and she's fitting her 3 month clothes nicely, but I'm all about the numbers.

As she gets bigger and older before our eyes, another emotion is starting to set in. In 3 weeks, my maternity leave ends, I go back to work and H goes into daycare. If you had asked me many, many months ago when I was 20ish weeks pregnant and we were daycare shopping, if I was going to be this sad about it, I would have told you no. But it's really bothering me. I'm going to miss spending all day with her and I can't believe I'm saying this, I'm going to miss holding her all the time. I'm also going to miss nursing her exclusively. Someone else besides DeeJ and I will be feeding and changing her, rocking and holding her until she falls asleep. And it feels strange. I know plenty of parents put their children in daycare, and I personally am grateful that I had the ability to take off nearly 4 months before having to do the same, but I wish I could stay with her at home a little longer. Or a lot longer. I'm sure a few weeks or months from now, I will look back and realize I'm fretting over nothing, but for now, I'm not happy.

*Debbie Downer moment over*

In 12 weeks, I've watched H mature so much and it makes me feel proud. I feel I'm doing something right. She smiles, she gets excited when she sees Elmo and I'm starting to see her personality more and more each day. She still requires sleeping on either one of us in order to take a decent nap. We also have approximately 1-3 minutes, sometimes less, to pick her up if we put her down. She gets bored easily, requires constant entertainment but also overstimulates quickly. Being around new or unfamiliar faces means little to no nap time and there is rarely such a thing as cuddle or snuggle time. Her bassinet, crib, and PnP don't get much use; we're still co-sleeping. Except now I love co-sleeping with her. It's the best part of my day... Watching her sleep. She's still our high needs little baby, but if keeping me on my toes daily is what it takes and it makes her my happy baby, then so be it.