Me and my Endometriosis

For the past 3 and a half years, Endometriosis to an extent has consumed my life. I will never forget waking up on Monday, August 8, 2011 in the middle of the night with cramps and next thing you know, I fell over from the toilet to the floor balled up in pain. I remember how much energy it took for me to call out to DeeJ because I couldn't move and how he had to practically carry me to the car to get me to the emergency room. Every pothole and speed bump in the road was unbearable. At the end of my 16 hour ER visit and 2 day hospital stay, 2 ultrasounds, a CT Scan, and a MRI, I was told about my likely severe Endometriosis. My bilateral endometriomas, one on each ovary were so large and inflamed, one measuring 8cm in circumference and the other 10cm, they were causing ovarian and fallopian torsion. I would need surgery to confirm the Endometriosis and resolve and would probably lose a Fallopian tube and ovary. Thankfully, during my hospital stay, the inflammation went down and surgery was temporarily delayed.

After my discharge, I went to see my gyn, Dr. F. and she also recommended surgery, but I was hesitant. The thought of having a tube and ovary removed scared me. DeeJ and I had just started trying to conceive earlier in the year after 2 years of marriage. I chucked my birth control in January and made a strong effort to find a really good permanent job (I was a temp contractor for several years prior), and had just started this new job on August 1st. We bought a house in the suburbs in a really good school district and everything was falling into place. So the possibility of having trouble trying to conceive was devastating. But I still wasn't ready for surgery. Instead, I went back on birth control to see if there was a chance that my endometriomas would shrink while going in for monthly ultrasounds. I remember going into for an ultrasound in November, which by that time was my third ultrasound and the tech asked me, "Do you have both ovaries?" Talk about the wrong thing to say. Now I'm sitting there thinking that my Endometriosis has progressed so badly that one of my ovaries are gone. Great. But it was that ultrasound where Dr. F. urged me to have laparoscopic surgery. I did have my first surgery on December 30, 2011. A few days later, I had a follow-up with Dr. F. I remember her first words were, "You need to start family planning now. You don't have much time." Whoa. She further explained that while she was able to remove the adhesions and avoid compromising my ovaries, she said my Endometriosis was very aggressive and severe. Given that plus my age (I was 30), her recommendation was to move quickly because my chances naturally were really low. After 2 and a half years, more surgical procedures and exploring IVF, H was born in October 2014 and I couldn't be happier.

So why this long ass post? Well, throughout my pregnancy, I've been told repeatedly that pregnancy is great for Endometriosis. I'm not sure exactly what that means, but I assume pregnancy suppresses it since you don't ovulate and go through a cycle. Which is great, but I'm not pregnant anymore. And every twinge and cramp I feel, I get so so nervous. We would love to have a second child in the future and I worry that Endometriosis is running rampant in my postpartum phase. I would go on hormonal birth control, but it might cause an issue with my breast milk supply and I don't want that. I really want to try and breastfeed for at least a year. Dr. B., my OBGYN, has scheduled me for an ultrasound in a month to see how things are going and I'm worried. Am I risking my chances to conceive again as a result? I'm no longer confident in my decision to breastfeed for a year. Should I change my goal to six months? Three months? It's constantly on my mind and I can't shake it. Damn Endometriosis. I didn't think this far ahead when I was first diagnosed and I wish I had.