8 weeks!

H Beans (her new nickname!) is 8 weeks old! She's growing so fast! We love her so much, but we are having some challenges.

Ever since we brought H Beans home, we've noticed that if she's not eating, sleeping, or being rocked/walked, she has crying fits. That coupled with not being able to put her down, EVER, has made me feel overwhelmed at times. DeeJ is back at work so she's with me pretty much all the time during the day. My head hurts, my arms hurt, and I can't get much of anything done around the house or elsewhere. And when I say she can't be put down, I mean it. No crib, bassinet, swing, Boppy... Nothing. I can't even put her in the car seat to go out without hearing the most highest pitch scream I've ever heard in my life. I've already had at least 2 occasions where I'm pushing the stroller with 1 arm while balancing her in the other to avoid a full on meltdown. This is really hard.

And I want to go back to the crying fits for a minute. She cries when she's done nursing, even though she's gaining weight nicely and has more than enough wet and dirty diapers so I know she's getting enough to eat. She cries coming out of sleep as well. If you're walking her around, rocking to get her to sleep and you stop, she cries. And most recently, if you walk into a dark room while rocking her, she cries. She cries, cries and cries. And I feel horrible because she seems miserable. How can I make her happy if I can't keep her from crying? It's not colic because it's not crying for 3 hours straight it's NOT inconsolable but at the same time, she never seems happy. And I feel like a failure. What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make her happy? I have to admit at times, I feel like I'm not cut out for this. Then, I came across an article about fussy babies. Like a lot of stuff that I'm learning through the trials and error of motherhood, I learned something new. I had no idea about what are called high need babies. As I read the article, I could feel the weight being lifted from my shoulders. It fit my encounters with H Beans to a tee. She's moody, dissatisfied, and requires more stimulation, more attention and just more of everything. She gets bored in her swing, cuddling, or lounging on her Boppy. She also requires being held 24/7, even while sleeping. You can spend 30+ minutes rocking her sleep to the point where she snores but if you put her down, she's up, making you feel like you've just wasted 30+ minutes walking around. She also gets bored easily by way of the constant yawning. If I do Tummy Time on the Boppy, I had better not do it again that day. Otherwise, the crying fit ensues. And when she cries, it sounds as if she's being hurt and it breaks my heart.

She's the exact opposite of my lazy, homebody self. She keeps me on my toes and it terrifies me. But as I sit here with H Beans nestled in my arms fast asleep, I forget about how overwhelmed she makes me feel. She's still perfect and I love her forever.